How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
