smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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