nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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