It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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