it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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