it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize