Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
