The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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