Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
