Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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