I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize