Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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