I heard we made out
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
