dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize