True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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