i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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