tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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