her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize