I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
