Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
