I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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