I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Randomize
