What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
