i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
