i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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