i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
