I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Barsexuality is the new black.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
