i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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