Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I bet he comes in French.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
