This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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