I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
