we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
