My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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