piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
