when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
