You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
