if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
