I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize