guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
