I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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