Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
