stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
