so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
