Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
