I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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