You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize