i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
