I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
