i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
