After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
