I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
