my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
