please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
