Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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