its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
