Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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