You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Can Purell be used as lube?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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