I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
