WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
