Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize