OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
