First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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