It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
