i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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