Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
