i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you will always have a special place in my vag
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize