Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The power of my boobs compel you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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