its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize