I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
