I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
