You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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