so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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